Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
