I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
