So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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