First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
