Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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