look no pants
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
