Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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