A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
