I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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