i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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