I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
