I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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