How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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