That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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