foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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