Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
