Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
