What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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