He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
