meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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