im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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