p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
