I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize