Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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