I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
