I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
