we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
