How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
