he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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