I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
