I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
