4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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