It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
