New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
