You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
