Will you blow on my dice?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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