jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
