Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
