you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
