Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
