I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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