I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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