I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
