Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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