haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
