I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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