forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
