So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
