I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
