Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
