how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
