How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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