To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
