So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
