My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
