My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
