I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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