well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
