hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
