I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
