Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
