i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You have to summon your inner elephant
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
