What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
