if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?