I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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