found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
