What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
All the doctor said was why
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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