I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Bring me that man meat
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
