Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
