The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
