OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
