I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
