Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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