paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
