are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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