I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
