I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
