My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
