I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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