I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
